Good morning test subjects,
We’ve covered this before, but I’m going to get a little more in depth here on the bodyhacking side of the work. It may get a bit ranty. Bear with me. References available upon request.
As you all are aware, we want to remove as much Vitamin A1 from the system as possible. Really scrub out the pipes so we don’t have any unwanted metabolic activity. A1 is stored in the liver and in the adipose tissue. Now, as there is no magical detox formula that clears the liver (there isn’t, I’m sorry, you in the back with the lemon juice and cayenne, sit down), we need to focus on reducing the amount of adipose tissue in the body. The fat.
Thanks to the incredible support of our backers, our crowdfunding campaign has now come to a successful finish! This truly wouldn’t have been possible without our sponsors’ support. In fact, more than half of the donations we received were redirected to our project page from pages we hadn’t advertised on. You guys and girls really did an awesome job getting out there and spreading the word, and we owe this exposure–and indeed this whole project–to you. As a side note, we really appreciate the enthusiasm of those of our backers who offered to become test subjects themselves. Unfortunately, however, that’s not within our budget; more importantly, it would be illegal and unethical for us to perform experiments on subjects other than ourselves without the oversight of an IRB.
Innumerable millenia ago, a rather unimpressive species of ape began asking questions. That’s all, really; just questions. What is this? What is that? Why? This ape contemplated various answers to the questions, and, coming to what seemed to it a reasonable conclusion, applied the results to the world around it. Why is it that when one of my kind is bitten by a striped serpent, they nearly always die a few hours later? Perhaps the serpent killed them with something in its bite. The ape avoids the serpent; the ape lives; the ape breeds; and a whole new generation of apes live on to continue with this first tradition of science.